CC BY-ND 2.0
It’s surprisingly easy to forget these things about ourselves:
You have value.
It is inherent. It is part of you.
This value is not bestowed on you by others. Other’s opinions about you are relevant… but they are not relevant to what you are worth.
Your value is intrinsic. It cannot be taken away.
What you do does not change what you are worth. You may do great things; you may do bad things. Either way, you are of value.
(Doing great things adds value to the world, but not to you.)
You are neither more nor less valuable than anybody else.
Your worth is not based on material possessions. Whatever you have does not affect whatever you are.
You do not have to be observed to have value. Even when you are alone, you are worth just the same as whenever you have company… whether they’re praising you, laughing with you or arguing with you.
Nothing others do, say or believe changes your value.
People choosing to spend time with you – or not – does not affect your value.
Your beliefs about your worth do not affect your worth.
(It’s more helpful to have positive beliefs, but whatever you believe doesn’t change the value itself.)
Nothing you do, or have done, can change your value.
Your flaws – real or imagined – do not affect your value.
In fact, your past does not affect your value.
Your abilities do not affect your value.
Your circumstances do not affect your value.
Your role(s) in life do not affect your value.
Your opinions – good, or terrible – do not affect your value.*
Your romantic success does not affect your value.
Your sexual attractiveness does not affect your value.
Your physical fitness does not affect your value.
[x thing you are worrying about] does not affect your value.
Your value is yours, and nothing can change that.
* (It’s probably better to have good beliefs – true, loving, charitable, and so on. Believing this way can help to lead a happier life, and to create opportunities for happiness for the world. But even people who believe in false, hateful things have intrinsic value… even as they destroy the value they could be adding to the world.)
Have I missed any? Let me know in the comments!
Neil Hughes is the author of Walking on Custard & the Meaning of Life, a comical and useful guide to life with anxiety, and The Shop Before Life, a tale about a magical shop which sells human personality traits. Along with writing more books, he puts his time into standup comedy, speaking about mental health, computer programming, public speaking and everything from music to video games to languages. He struggles to answer the question “so, what do you do?” and is worried that the honest answer is probably “procrastinate.” He would like it if you said hello.
No incorrect beliefs were harmed during the production of this post.
Don’t forget to watch the custard-based TED talk, if you haven’t already! (And if you have, why not tell your friends about it?!)
Or check out the Book for Anxious Humans, which explores anxiety and happiness through embarrassing real-life stories, fantasy fiction, thought-provoking discussion and terribly-drawn doodles.
Read the whole series on Anxiety here.
This is pretty beautiful Neil. I wonder though do you truly and steadfastly believe this about yourself? And if you do how do you get to that place? I imagine not many people are there yet. I know I’m not. Although I have absolutely no problem believing this about you or anyone else for that matter! Thanks for your insight as always Mr Hughes ?