Several Ways To Enter A Shower That Is Initially Too Hot

Day 73- That’s Hot. by Jinx!, on Flickr

The hot tap.
Source of much pleasure… and much pain.

Original Photo © Jinx!, Jinx! on Flickr.
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic License

I have a recurring problem.

Actually, I have many recurring problems. But today we’re going to discuss a particularly tricky one:

What is the best way to enter a shower when it’s initially too hot… but will be a perfect temperature after your body has adapted?

The answer may surprise you!

Inner critic: I suspect the fact you’re asking such a stupid question is more surprising, honestly, but let’s see where you’re going with this…

Breaking The Taboo

Entering an initially-too-hot shower is made much worse by the culture of secrecy which surrounds the problem.

Too often, we are embarrassed to discuss our struggles when getting into uncomfortably hot showers.

I’m not sure why this is. Perhaps it’s the societal taboo against discussing showers at all.

Or maybe we feel shame at the sense that we “should” be able to handle slightly-too-hot showers ourselves.

Or perhaps we suffer from imagined peer pressure from our inner critics:

This is pathetic. What kind of idiot can’t figure out a way to handle water at less-than-ideal temperature? I’m so embarrassed to be me right now.Inner Critic

Whatever the reason for this conspiracy of silence around initially-too-hot showers, it’s reassuring to learn that we’re not alone.

That’s because we’re all at the mercy of Science.

The Problem: Science

Science has shown that – when heated – water can become too hot.

However, other bits of science indicate that after entering hot water, the human body adapts to the temperature. Soon, what seemed – at first – to be too hot turns out to be ideally comfortable.

And so, due to these cruel scientific truths, it’s common for showers to be too hot at first; only to become the perfect temperature after a brief uncomfortable exposure to the water.

These painful moments of adapting to showers are common, and so today we’re going to look at various techniques to mitigate this discomfort.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: Obviously, none of these techniques should be attempted with scalding water! The perfect temperature is slightly too-hot on entry, but thereafter comfortable.

Remember ASS: Always Shower Safely!

Method One: The Rockband

Guitarist avec helmet by David Michael Morris, on Flickr

The Rockband Method

 David Michael Morris on Flickr.Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic License

Instructions:

As you enter the shower, grasp an imaginary guitar in the Rockband pose.

NOTE: While it is possible to use a real guitar for this purpose, it is NOT recommended. Due to the lack of planning permission for adequately large bathrooms, there is rarely room to comfortably fit a guitar in modern shower cubicles.

Tilt your right shoulder forward in the classic “rocking-out” position, and allow the stream of initially-too-hot water to touch your shoulder.

IMMEDIATELY begin rocking out, by bringing your right shoulder upright, and then quickly rocking your LEFT shoulder forward until the stream of too-hot water touches.

Continue to rock out by alternating your right and left shoulders back and forth, edging forward as you do so.

If you like, you can scream “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH” while executing this manoeuvre. (This doesn’t affect your temperature adaptation procedure, but does make you feel awesome, like you’re headlining a private festival in your bathroom.)

As you gradually enter the water your body automatically applies the relevant science by adapting to the water temperature. Perfection!

Method Two: The Scandinavian Plunge-Dive

Dive by zbdh12, on Flickr

The Scandinavian Plunge-Dive

zbdh12 on Flickr.
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License

Warning:

The “Scandinavian Plunge-Dive” is a deeply silly technique.

As demonstrated in the accompanying image, you execute a Scandinavian Plunge-Dive by propelling yourself horizontally into the shower from the wall opposite.

While the rapid entry to the shower helps the body to quickly adjust to the temperature, the extreme silliness of this method means injuries are common, and the supposed ‘benefits’ claimed for the technique are far outweighed by the risks.

In some cases, Scandinavian Plunge-Divers have been known to fail to remove metal fences they’ve mysteriously installed between themselves and their outdoor shower, leading to further devastating consequences.

In short, a shower is a serious place, and is not meant to be an opportunity for thrill-seekers to get their adrenaline fix. Stay well clear of the Plunge-Dive!

Method Three: The Gradual Zombie

strike a thriller pose. by Photos by Mavis, on Flickr

Showers can be strange places.

mike krzeszak on Flickr.
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 2.0 Generic License

Instructions:

To perform a ‘Gradual Zombie’, raise your hands in the air as if you’re hungry for human brains, and edge gently forwards.

As you enter the water, moan loudly at the indignity of it all.

Continue edging forward while moving as few muscles as possible, wiggling your toes for grip as required.

Recall that zombies are probably cold-blooded creatures so any initial temperature discomfort is meaningless to them, and therefore to you.

Success!

Method Four: Don’t Bother

Never Ending Feeling by Kevin Cortopassi, on Flickr

Sometimes, it’s a valid option not to.

Kevin Cortopassi on Flickr.
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 2.0 Generic License

Remember, it’s always an option just to do something else.

Sometimes showers are too hot, and while we could adapt to the temperature after pushing ourselves through it, we might simply not want to.

So maybe – for today – we’ll decide not to go through with it after all.

That’s cool.

Method Five: Change the Temperature

Project 50 - Day #6 (Midnight) by seanmcgrath, on Flickr

A human regrets their choice of shower temperature.

seanmcgrath on Flickr.
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License

These days, as technology spirals out of control at a dizzying pace, it’s often possible to change the temperature from within a shower.

We can abuse this feature to our benefit by altering the temperature BEFORE we get in. Here’s how it’s done.

First, change the temperature DOWNWARDS until it is slightly cooler.

NOTE: Don’t go too far, or you’ll end up with what is technically known as a “cold shower”, the discussion of which would require a completely separate post!

Then, once the water is at a comfortable temperature, enter the shower by using your favourite method of motion.

Wait for a few seconds for your body to apply its special science and change its internal temperature. The water will now be slightly too cool.

Then – and here’s the trick! – adjust the temperature UPWARDS until you reach the perfect temperature once more.

Amazing.

Problem Solved!

And there we go! I hope this has been a useful compendium of helpful methods to manage the serious and important issue of getting into a shower that’s initially a bit too hot.

Inner critic: Er. Is that it?

Yes. That is it.

Inner critic: This was a metaphor, right? Please tell me this was a metaphor. For something.

Inner critic: Hello..? Are you still there?! Hello…! Come back!

Inner critic: …


Nobody was harmed while researching unorthodox methods of shower entry during the production of this blogpost.

Check out or get the Book for Anxious Humans, which explores actually relevant ideas in much more detail. And – frankly – makes a lot more sense than this post did, in particular.

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1 comment

    • Ian on 18th May 2015 at 11:54 pm

    Do you eat while showering? If too many people do, and the figures are not yet in, then we are facing a health and safety disaster. Unless of course we are simply time-conscious, and we can combine the two together safely. Poached eggs? Is that possible? It is probably environmentally correct to cleanse ourselves, and poach an egg while we do so, possibly even eating it without ketchup before we even get out. Doughnuts? Now that is a different post and topic altogether.

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