Whimsy

Feb 17

Jiggling an Imaginary Rope Helps You Re-Evaluate Your Life

[Warning: contains mild physics.]

Imagine a short piece of rope. We’ll call him Ropert.

Let’s imagine that Ropert represents our lives.

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May 18

Several Ways To Enter A Shower That Is Initially Too Hot

Day 73- That’s Hot. by Jinx!, on Flickr

The hot tap.
Source of much pleasure… and much pain.

Original Photo © Jinx!, Jinx! on Flickr.
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic License

I have a recurring problem.

Actually, I have many recurring problems. But today we’re going to discuss a particularly tricky one:

What is the best way to enter a shower when it’s initially too hot… but will be a perfect temperature after your body has adapted?

The answer may surprise you!

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Apr 09

Shoot The Moon (And Aim For Happy)

Moon Pie by JD Hancock, on Flickr

An artist’s impression of what revenge may look like against humanity’s ancient enemy.

Original Photo © JD Hancock, JD Hancock on Flickr.
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License

In the addictive card game, Hearts, the play that scores the most points is known as ‘Shooting the Moon’.

I’m greatly in favour of this.

The moon has sat there for long enough, arrogantly watching over us. For aeons it has floated judgementally over the Earth, thinking it’s better than us, all ‘romantically’ flying around in the sky, like a slow plane that doesn’t even FLASH, supposing itself to be safe from our revenge against its alleged ‘superiority’ just because it’s millions of miles away.

WELL… YOUR TIME HAS COME, MOON. WE’RE COMING FOR YOU. YOUR ARROGANT REIGN OF TEDIOUS ‘ROMANTIC’ JUDGEMENT IS OVER. SCREW YOU, YOU POINTLESS FLOATING LUMP OF DISAPPOINTING DUSTY ROCK.

IT’S TIME TO SHOOT THE MOON FOR REAL

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Mar 18

The Little Virus Who Fell In Love

influenza virus by kat m research, on Flickr

“I got a fever for you, beautiful.”

Original Photo © Kat Masback, kat m on Flickr. Edited and re-shared under:
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic License

There once was a virus who fell in love with its host.

It drifted around in their bloodstream, dreamily content with its lot in life. Every moment was a joy. It was physically joined with its true love, and it had never wanted anything more.

One day, after a spate of joyous multiplying, the virus noticed with alarm that their host appeared to have fallen ill.

“Oh dear,” said the virus (for it inexplicably had the ability to speak as well as to experience abstract emotions like love and joy). “I’d better do something.”

And so the virus did the only thing it knew how: it began to multiply at a faster rate than ever before. It hoped that if it became strong enough it would be able to help its love.

But the more the virus multiplied, the sicker their host seemed to get. This only made the virus more determined to help before time ran out.

Spurred by love, it multiplied faster and faster and faster. Until, suddenly…

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Mar 13

Exploding Cats & Panic Attacks

Cat on Beach walking away from Explosion by ifindkarma, on Flickr

The situation was getting a little out of hand.

Photo © Adam Rifkin, ifindkarma on Flickr
CC Attribution 2.0

“But the Society of Esteemed & Honorable Vicars can’t possibly go in there! That room has already been booked by…”

(both look at one another, sharing the horrific realisation)

“Oh no…”

(in unison) “THE INTERNATIONAL STRIPPERS CHAMPIONSHIPS”

(Little Billy enters)

“Bad news sirs… there was a mixup with the zookeeper and I’m afraid there’s a SECOND tiger on the loose…”

(In the background, Old Mrs Adams faints)

Everyone rushes to leave at once, accidentally knocking Little Billy into the fireplace.

He runs around wildly, in the process setting fire to the cat, who explodes due to all the gunpowder ingested during the earlier mishap (see p17).

(Zoom to Little Billy) “Sir! I’ve spotted another problem…”

(Roll credits)

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